I don’t really have any huge ambitions to have this amazing career where I make a ton of awesome money and travel the world and buy a giant house. I mean it would be fun to travel, but I would be so happy just living with my boyfriend (one day husband) and all of our happy pets. Sometimes I think it’s weird that I’m not super goal oriented, but those are really the only things I need to be happy. :)
I could blame it on all kinds of stuff but I don’t because I think that’s stupid and pointless. But seriously. I’ve been known to apologize just for walking into a room. I’ve tried to fix it with counselling but it doesn’t work. Saying “You ARE beautiful” into a mirror 30 times a day doesn’t change anything when you truly think you’re a disgusting person. If you tell yourself that the sky is purple 30 times a day does it change the fact that it’s actually still always going to be blue? No. Self hatred related issues have probably caused every problem I’ve ever had in my life. It blows but I’m trying to figure out how to love myself everyday. Life is short. It’s a waste of time to spend it hating yourself.
No, I AM incredibly shallow. The “I can be” just makes me feel better. I love looking at beautiful things and people and a great deal of the time I really don’t care about anything other than the beauty of them. I feel secure saying this on tumblr, because all of you suckers are incredibly shallow too! Why else would we all be on this site where we just reblog pictures all day, every day. But seriously, I really just like looking at nice things. It makes me happy.
I’m so afraid of the idea of this almost warped purgatory. I have this weird idea in my head that maybe when you die it’s like in cartoons where the character is either time traveling or going to another dimension or just gets knocked out and they’re just floating around in nothing. Or I’m afraid that when you die it’s like you just sit alone in a pitch black room forever and ever. That is way scarier than any idea of a fiery hell to me. I don’t actually think that this is what happens when you die, I’m just really freaked out by the possibility of it. I don’t like the idea of facing death.
I HATE to buy myself stuff. There’s plenty of stuff I want, but I have to literally force myself to buy anything I absolutely don’t need. I guess it’s a good quality to have, but ugh it’s just frustrating. If I want to buy myself a cheap t-shirt, then I should be able to buy myself a cheap t-shirt. I don’t mind spending money on other people but when it comes to myself I just feel really gross and selfish. :( Overall I’m extremely good with my money, but I’m trying to learn to treat myself once in a while.
I have the tastes of a 7 year old. My favorite food is chicken tenders and I could happily eat them everyday. But really, I’m so picky it’s embarrassing. It mostly comes down to the texture of the food. Lettuce makes me dry heave. I like to try new things but blech. It’s hard. :(
I have my ears pierced five times (three on left, two on right), I have my septum pierced, I have my lip pierced (though I currently don’t wear anything in it, I just keep it open just in case!), and I have my nipples pierced. I’d really love to get some more piercings but it’s just not realistic right now. :( It kinds of goes with the hair thing. I want to go crazy but I’ll have to wait until I’m a bajillionaire and I can do whatever I want. :)
No seriously. I’m not good at anything. I get distracted way too easily to actually sit down and learn a skill and I wasn’t really born with any neat trait either. I can’t play an instrument or dance or draw or cook or speak another language or sing. I’d like to think that maybe I just haven’t found what I’m good at yet. Or maybe my only real talent is eating cheesecake.
Including the entire rainbow at once, and I really miss it. :( I had to dye my hair a somewhat normal color in order to get a job and support myself but I really hope to find a career in the future where I can go back to that. For now I really love my red hair though! It’s fun!
Even though I’m really not that interesting. I’ll just update it when I feel like it. Please tell me if I’m just annoying.
